Every behavior happens for a reason. The ABCs can help parents understand what may be happening around a behavior and how we can support our child.
A = Before the behavior
What happened right before?
Think about:
- What was my child doing?
- Did I ask them to do something?
- Did something change?
- Did they want something?
Example: “It’s time to turn off the iPad.”
B = The behavior
What did my child do?
Try to describe exactly what you saw or heard instead of using labels.
Instead of:
❌ “He was being difficult.”
Try:
✅ “He cried, yelled, and dropped to the floor.”
C = After the behavior
What happened right after?
Ask yourself:
- What did I do?
- What did my child get?
- What did my child avoid or escape?
- Did something change?
Example: Mom gives the iPad back after the child cries.
Putting It All Together
A — Before: “Time to turn off the iPad.”
B — Behavior: Child cries and drops to the floor.
C — After: Parent gives the iPad back.
Now we can ask: “What can we do differently next time?”
For example, parents might prepare the child for the transition, use a timer, offer a choice, or teach the child to appropriately ask for more time.
ABCs in Everyday Life
Parents can use this approach during everyday routines like:
- 🛒 Shopping: “I want that!” → crying → parent gives the item
- 🍽 Mealtime: Child refuses food → parent offers a preferred food
- 🛁 Bath time: “Time for a bath” → child runs away → bath is delayed
- 📱 Screen time: “iPad is all done” → child cries → iPad is returned
- 🛏 Bedtime: “Time for bed” → child asks for another story → parent reads another story
A Simple Reminder for Parents
Pause → Look → Think
Pause: What just happened?
Look: What did my child do?
Think: What happened afterward?
The ABC approach isn’t about blaming parents or children. It’s simply a tool to help us understand patterns and find ways to make everyday routines easier and more successful.